Of Passion and Compassion
by Tugger's Girl - lissag7 (at) juno.com

~

Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir...It speaks to us, guides us. Passion rules us all, and we obey. What other choice do we have? Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love, the clarity of hatred, and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we would truly be dead.
- Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

~

Rum Tum Tugger couldn't remember a time when he had enjoyed himself more at a Jellicle Ball. He'd always been popular amongst the ladies-- he liked to fancy himself the feline Fabio-- but this was more than he had ever expected. Already, he'd received invitations from Bombalurina and Cassandra to come back with them to their lairs when the celebration was through, and the night was still young. He was glad to find that his charm wasn't fading; there'd been more than a few new kittens whose fancy he had caught.

The evening was coming to a close, and Tugger found himself amongst the group of Jellicles, bowing down before Old Deuteronomy. He wished to show his reverence to the older cat, one of the few who could garner his respect, but he found that his mind kept wandering to the choice at hand. Who to choose for that evening...Cassandra, or Bombalurina? Both were alluring prospects, though he found himself growing a little bored with their antics. Perhaps he'd choose a younger kitten, one who wasn't quite so familiar. It was always more fun that way.

Suddenly, Tugger felt his fur begin to stand on its end. Slowly, he turned, his eyes narrowing as he spotted Grizabella hobbling toward them. The old rage festered inside of him, and he swiftly rose to his feet, striding toward her.

Do you even remember me? Tugger wondered angrily as he approached her. Do you ever think of me at all? But they were questions that he would never allow himself to ask. Instead, he mockingly gestured for her to join the group, ignoring the pain that he saw written clearly in her eyes.

Overcome with emotion, he was about to stalk off when Cassandra stepped in front of him. " Going somewhere?" she inquired huskily, her blue eyes glinting in the light.

Tugger ran his eyes appreciatively over the queen. " Not anymore." he replied suavely, forcing back his previous animosity. He slid an arm around her and they returned to the group, just as Grizabella began her song.

" Memory, turn your face to the moonlight..."

Tugger watched, keeping his face impassive as the old queen sang. She was good, he had to admit, incredible even, but that wouldn't amend what she had done. There was no redemption for her kind.

But as he watched in horror, Tugger saw the faces of his companions fill with compassion as the melody continued. He stared at them in disbelief. Couldn't they see what she was? Couldn't they understand?

And then, another voice was rising into the night, so pure and sweet and beautiful that he almost believed that it came from Heaven.

" Sunlight through the trees in summer

Endless masquerading

Like a flower as the dawn is breaking..."

Tugger stared, transfixed as he watched the young queen sing. He had known that Jemima was beautiful. He had made it a point to flirt with her throughout his song because of that beauty. But as she sang now with the moon illuminating her lovely features, she was absolutely breath-taking.

Yet even as he was in awe of her, Tugger felt his heart hardening with anger toward her. It was wrong for her to sing with Grizabella, he knew, and he felt disgusted by it. It seemed blasphemous somehow that the most innocent of cats should be extending mercy to such a whore. But surely, with the support of the tribe favorite, Grizabella would be welcomed back as a Jellicle.

Even as the thought passed through Tugger's mind, he saw Victoria move toward Grizabella and touch her outturned paw. He stared in grim silence, unwilling to accept what his eyes so clearly showed him.

Yet there was another Jellicle venturing toward her, and another, and another, until all of the other cats were filing forward, stretching out their paws in acceptance. He felt Cassandra tugging at his arm, urging him to go forward. He obligingly led her toward Grizabella and then released her. Cassandra could welcome her if she liked; he wouldn't touch her.

Tugger looked to Munkustrap for support. If there was anyone who would understand Tugger's sentiment, it was his brother. He spotted Munkustrap hesitating near the queen, and then he reached out his paws to her. Grizabella's face filled with relief and gratitude at finally being reunited with the tom. Tugger looked away in disgust.

And then, the voices of the other cats rose in unison:

" Up, up, up past the Russell Hotel

Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer..."

Frantically, overcome by a drive that he could not explain, Tugger turned and made his way toward the platform where Jemima had been. He felt the need to confront her, to berate her for what she had begun. But when he reached the top, Jemima was gone, and he was alone, separated from the rest of the Jellicles. It was strangely symbolic, really.

He watched as the ramp lowered for Grizabella, his heart pounding oddly in his chest. A twisted sort of fury overcame him, and he plunged his fist into the air.

" Up, up, up past the Jellicle moon..."

He sang along with the rest, his voice tinged with bitterness. Go ahead and leave, you whore, he thought to himself, that's all you were ever good for, anyway. I'm glad to have you out of my life.

But as she disappeared out of sight, he couldn't help but feel eerily empty inside.

Bombalurina made her way purposefully toward Rum Tum Tugger, who was seated by himself on a crate in the corner of the alley. The ball had been over for a short time, and Tugger had been unusually quiet. Bombalurina smiled to herself, determined to draw him out of his shell.

She paused as Demeter passed by, walking alongside Munkustrap, who was still limping ever so slightly from the fight against Macavity. Bombalurina smiled coquettishly at them. " Good night," she purred, her dark eyes flickering. Demeter blushed slightly but continued with Munkustrap toward his lair.

Bombalurina watched them for a moment, her imagination wandering momentarily. It was ideal that Demeter and Munkustrap had finally realized their feelings for one another. Now, her best friend would become mates with Tugger's brother, and when Tugger finally decided that he was ready to settle down, their happy little family would be complete.

Smiling at the thought, she sidled up alongside Tugger, rubbing her head affectionately against his side. " I missed you." she purred.

Tugger barely glanced at her. " Not now."

Bombalurina pulled back in surprise. He had rejected her before, but it was usually just as a show to his younger feline fan club. She didn't take those rebuffs personally; he was just trying to uphold his reputation, after all, and she couldn't say that she blamed him.

She frowned and tried again. " Tugger," she murmured affectionately, " the night is still young. And I don't feel a bit sleepy."

Tugger finally looked at her and hesitated. He finally smiled. "What did you have in mind?"

She purred and rubbed her head against the hollow of his neck. " We could go to the park. Or the theater. Or anywhere at all." She pulled back and smiled at him. " Or, if you'd prefer, we could just head straight to my lair."

Tugger still seemed reluctant, and so Bombalurina trailed her paw through his fur. " It's a night for celebration, Tugger. The Jellicle moon has risen, and Grizabella's passed to the Heaviside Layer--"

Rum Tum Tugger pulled away from her and began to walk away. Bombalurina watched after him, stunned. " Where are you going?" she called finally.

" I need to talk to Jemima." Tugger returned.

Bombalurina felt her confusion deepening. " Jemima?" she repeated aloud, but he was too far gone to reply. She shook her head. " Why on Earth would he want to talk to her?"



Jemima curled up into a ball, shielding herself against the chill of the night. It had been her first Jellicle ball, and she was utterly exhausted from the long evening, though it had been the most incredible thing that she had ever experienced.

She still couldn't explain what had come over her when she began to sing with Grizabella. It seemed to her that there was a connection between them from long ago, but she couldn't quite remember. She would have never imagined that she would have the courage to rise before the entire Jellicle tribe and express her very soul. She was still very much in awe of the entire thing.

As she began to doze off, she heard a can clattering to the ground nearby. Tensing, she lifted her head, searching the night for an intruder.

To her utter shock, Rum Tum Tugger was standing over her, his face partially hidden in the shadows. Jemima rose quickly, her eyes wide. " Rum Tum Tugger." she said breathlessly, her heart racing wildly at the sight of him.

Tugger took another step forward, and she could read his features more easily. His eyes were dark and flashing, and he looked decidedly unhappy. Jemima frowned, uncertain of what she had done to deserve such wrath. " Tugger...what's wrong?" she inquired more tentatively.

Rum Tum Tugger had worked out an entire lecture in his mind on the way over to Jemima's lair, but he found himself suddenly at a loss for words at the sight of her. Angrily, he grabbed her by the arms, trying to steady his own thoughts at the same time. " What gave you the right?"

Jemima looked up at him, her wide eyes frightened. " What do you mean?"

" Why did you sing with her tonight?" Tugger demanded. " Why did you welcome her back?"

Jemima shrunk away from him. " I don't know. I felt something inside of me...but I don't know what it was. I don't."

Tugger saw her fear and he quickly released her. He turned away. " You shouldn't have done that. You should have just let it be."

Jemima stared at his profile and saw the anguish on his face, though she didn't know where it came from. A part of her wanted to comfort him, but another was too terrified to even move. She had never seen Rum Tum Tugger in such a rage, and she would have never imagined that he would ever direct that anger toward her.

Tugger turned to face her again finally. She drew back from him, and he felt himself regret the outburst. She doesn't understand, he reminded himself. Tentatively, he stepped toward her. She fell back a step.

" I'm sorry." Tugger said, holding up his paws. " I didn't mean to..." He shook his head. " I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. There's no way that you could know."

Jemima looked at him uncertainly. " Know what?"

Tugger hesitated, not wanting to divulge to anyone why his resentment toward Grizabella ran so deep. Still, after his outburst toward Jemima, she deserved to know. " Grizabella...Grizabella was my mother."

Jemima's eyes widened. " What?"

Tugger couldn't bear to look at her anymore. " She left when I was very young. She just took off. I didn't even know until Deuteronomy told me a few years ago."

Jemima watched him, her face filled with compassion. " I'm so sorry. I had no idea..."

Tugger set his face grimly. " I know. Nobody does, except for Deuteronomy and Munkustrap." He looked at her intensely. "You can't tell anyone. Not Victoria, not your mother...not anyone. Understand?"

Jemima nodded. " I won't tell a soul. I swear." She hesitated, then moved toward him. She placed a sympathetic paw on his arm. " It must have been so hard for you to see her leave tonight--"

Tugger jerked away from her. " Don't be ridiculous. It was the best thing that's happened to me. She's finally gone. Out of sight, out of mind."

Jemima looked at him in surprise. " You can't mean that. I know that what she did to you was horrible, but she's your mother..."

" So?" Tugger said with a careless shrug. " Do you honestly expect me to mourn over her? She left me, not the other way around."

Jemima was silent for a moment. " I think that she regretted it, if that's any consolation." she told him softly.

" What would you know about it?" Tugger asked bitterly.

" I saw her face, when you turned away from her." Jemima informed him. " She was in so much pain."

" Good." Tugger said shortly. He turned to leave, then hesitated. " You said that you felt something that made you sing?" Jemima nodded. " What...what was it like?"

Jemima closed her eyes, struggling to remember. "It was the strangest thing. I don't know if I can explain it quite right." She met his gaze, her dark eyes vibrant. " I felt as though, up until that moment, I had never seen the sun, that all I had known was darkness. And then, suddenly, I was bathed in light. It was so warm, so beautiful. And there was something inside of me, pushing me, making the words come out."

Tugger watched her, finding himself mesmerized. He could almost feel that warmth as she described it. Without even realizing what he was doing, he reached forward with his paw and slowly stroked the side of her face.

Jemima looked at him in surprise, her eyes wide. Almost instinctively, she stepped in closer to him, turning her face up to his own. He was a good head taller than her, but it was comforting somehow, and safe.

Tugger leaned down and nuzzled his head against her own, moving back slowly so that soon, his face was only centimeters from her own. They remained like that for a long moment, too transfixed to move.

A giggle pierced through the night, shattering the moment. Tugger and Jemima both whirled to catch a blur of stripes ducking behind a carton. Tugger felt himself overcome with annoyance. " Take a picture." he suggested. " It'll last longer."

Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer popped up from behind the box, both smiling widely at them. " Sorry, chap." Mungojerrie called out affably. " Didn't mean to interrupt anything."

" You weren't." Tugger said curtly, stepping away from Jemima. She flushed in embarrassment, hugging herself for warmth.

" If that wasn't anything," Rumpleteazer said, " then I'd hate to interrupt you during something."

" Come on now, luv," Mungojerrie chided her, " no need to embarrass them." He crossed over and clapped Tugger on the back. " Don't worry, Tugs. We won't tell anyone. We were trying to arrange a late night rendezvous, ourselves."

Rumpleteazer smacked him in mock anger. " 'Jerrie!"

Mungojerrie shrugged, grinning. " Sorry, luv. Can't help my mouth sometimes."

" Wonderful." Tugger murmured under his breath.

Rumpleteazer linked her arm companionably through Jemima's. " We're gonna have to teach our toms some manners. Think they can treat us like dirt, they do."

" He's not my tom." Jemima insisted, her face positively vermilion. " We were just talking."

" Whatever you say." Mungojerrie said, winking at her conspiratorially. " But I'd say it was about time that someone made you into a woman."

Jemima pulled away from them. " I need to go. I just remembered that I promised Victoria I would stay with her tonight."

She hurried away, causing Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer to burst into a fit of giggles. " Sorry about that, chap," Mungojerrie guffawed. " She's awful skittish, ain't she?"

Tugger didn't reply, just turned and headed off in the other direction.

The next morning, Rum Tum Tugger tiredly stumbled out of his pipe, blinking as the sunlight hit his eyes. There was already a small group of Jellicles moving about in the alley below, attending to their various chores. The Jellicle Ball was over, and the monotony of everyday life had returned.

Tugger passed by Jellylorum, who was tending to the kittens who had been too young to attend the celebration the night before, and he winked at her brashly. She scowled at him and shook her head, clicking her tongue reproachfully. Tugger laughed at this and continued on.

He stopped at the sight of Jemima, who was conversing with Victoria a short ways off. Their time together the night before came flooding back into his mind, and he berated himself for getting carried away in the moment.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted Etcetera and Electra whispering and giggling with each other. He walked suavely over to them, keenly aware that Jemima and Victoria were both watching him.

" Morning ladies." he purred, wrapping one arm around Etcetera and the other around her friend. The kittens giggled, snuggling in closer to him. He dared a glance in Jemima's direction and was surprised at the guilt he felt when he saw the crestfallen look on her face.

I shouldn't have to feel bad, he reminded himself. We didn't do anything. It was just a temporary lapse of judgment. Still, he couldn't help but notice the way that she cast her gaze away, as though watching him hurt her.

He forced a smile for the kittens' benefit. " Still recovering from the ball last night?" he inquired.

Etcetera giggled and nuzzled his arm playfully. " I thought your song was the best, Tugger."

Electra nodded in agreement. " Um-hm. Yours and Jemima's."

Tugger stiffened. " What?"

" She was good, too." Electra said, a bit more timidly this time.

Etcetera was oblivious to his sudden tensing. " You two should sing a duet next year."

" I don't sing duets." Tugger said tightly. He glanced over and stopped as he saw Pouncevil and Mistoffelees approaching Victoria and Jemima. Mistoffelees seemed preoccupied with the white kitten, but Pouncevil's eyes were focused elsewhere. Tugger tightened his grip on the two kittens.

" Ow!" Electra protested. " Tugger, that hurts."

" Sorry." Tugger muttered, loosening up a bit. He smiled at the young queens. " Why don't we do a bit of socializing, hmm?" Without waiting for them to agree, he strolled over toward the group of cats in the corner, careful not to look at Jemima too much as he did so.

" Morning, Tugger." Pouncevil said cheerfully.

Tugger had to keep himself from glaring at the younger tom. " Morning." he acknowledged him, then turned to the others. " Mistoffelees. Ladies."

Victoria looked to Jemima, her face concerned, but the other queen somehow managed to keep her face impassive. Mistoffelees smiled at Tugger. " You're awfully happy this morning. Should I ask why?"

Tugger shrugged. " What can I say? Bombi was in a giving mood last night." Which wasn't entirely a lie. Bombalurina had been in a giving mood. He just hadn't benefited from it at all.

Etcetera scoffed jealously. " Bombalurina? She's old news, if you ask me. It's kind of embarrassing to see her still throwing herself around."

" Funny," Tugger returned smugly, " I don't mind it so much."

Sensing her friend's distress, Victoria quickly changed the subject. "Mistoffelees, why don't you show us that new magic trick you were telling me about?"

Mistoffelees smiled, pleased to be singled out by her. " All right. Will you be my helper?"

Victoria shook her head quickly, drawing away from him. " I don't like being part of your magic tricks. Last time, you singed my fur."

Mistoffelees looked offended by this. " That was a long time ago. I'm much better now." He turned to Jemima. " What about you? Want to prove you're braver than this scaredy-cat?" He motioned to Victoria.

Jemima glanced at Tugger and quickly looked away. " Sure." she said, smiling sweetly at him and stepping forward. " I don't mind."

Mistoffelees grinned in delighted pleasure, rather resembling a young kitten with his first ball of yarn as he did so. " All right. Lie down on your back." Jemima obediently complied. Mistoffelees stood near her and raised his hands over her. "Ascendo." he murmured.

Slowly, Jemima rose into the air, levitating until she was a good six feet above their heads. Mistoffelees waved his hands so that she was spinning around in the air, her body taut and her back arched gracefully. She seemed to be in an almost dream-like state, her face a mask of contentment.

She looked beautiful.

Tugger took a step away from the other kittens without even realizing that he had done so. No one except Victoria seemed to notice; they were all too in awe of the trick that Mistoffelees was performing.

A little ways off and oblivious to the wonder that the others were beholding, Alonzo and Tumblebrutus were wrestling playfully. Alonzo tackled the other tom at the waist and sent him sprawling backward. Alonzo raced forward to pounce on him, and Tumblebrutus used his momentum to send him flying backward, straight into Mistoffelees. The magical cat fell to the ground and lost his concentration.

Tugger watched the entire process almost as if it was in slow motion. With a frightened cry, Jemima began to fall to the hard pavement below. Instinctively, Tugger rushed forward and caught her in his arms.

Jemima looked at him, dazed. " Wha--" Her gaze met his own, and she stopped mid-word. Tugger's heart was beating wildly in his chest, and he was fairly certain that he could hear her own heart pounding.

They were instantly surrounded by their friends. " Are you all right?" Victoria inquired, her voice almost frantic. Etcetera looked to be on the verge of tears.

Alonzo and Tumblebrutus both looked at the young queen contritely. " We're so sorry, Jemima," Alonzo said quickly. " We didn't mean to--"

" It's all right." Jemima said, her voice a bit shaky. She twisted uncomfortably in Tugger's arms. "Put me down. I'm all right."

Obligingly, Tugger lowered her feet so that they were touching the ground. She attempted to stand and her legs promptly gave out from beneath her. Tugger caught her again under her arms and held her so that she had to lean against him in order to stand.

Mistoffelees looked absolutely horrified. " Jemima, I'm so sorry--"

Tugger glared at him. " You should be more careful, Mistoffelees. She could have been hurt. Or even killed."

" I'm fine." Jemima insisted, though her tight grip on him suggested otherwise.

" You're not." Tugger argued. He lifted her into his arms again, surprised at how natural it felt. " I'm taking you back to your lair."

Pouncevil stepped forward gallantly. " I'll take her."

Tugger scowled at him. " Don't be ridiculous. Keep an eye on your friend here before he tries to kill off any other Jellicles." Mistoffelees looked away, ashamed.

Pouncevil looked as though he was about to protest, but Jemima stopped him. "It's all right, Pouncevil. I'll be all right." Wearily, she closed her eyes and snuggled her head against Tugger's chest. He felt his throat tighten. " I just need to rest."

Tugger couldn't help the smug smile he flashed at Pouncevil before he turned and began carrying Jemima back to her alley. They were silent for most of the way, until Tugger could bare it no longer. "Are you really all right?"

" Yes." Jemima said softly.

Tugger was silent again. " Are you angry at me?"

" Should I be?"

Tugger sighed. " Look, what happened last night--"

Jemima shook her head. " Nothing happened. You don't owe me an explanation."

Tugger was silent. " Good." he said finally.

They had reached Jemima's alley. He lowered her gently onto her bed, an old cushion that had seen its share of rough weather. She curled up, shivering slightly. Tugger searched for a blanket to cover her and settled on an old coat. Gingerly, he tucked it in around her, then sat back and really looked at her. Her eyes were close, and her face was peaceful, content. He felt an odd sensation in his chest.

" Are you sure you'll be all right?" he inquired. She didn't reply, and he realized that she was asleep.

Reluctantly, he rose to his feet and began to back out of the alley. He hesitated at the edge, his mind in a tumult of confusion. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, then finally turned and left her behind.

Munkustrap met him on the way out. His face was filled with concern. " I heard what happened. Is Jemima all right?"

" Just a little shaken up, I think." Tugger returned, forcing himself to act nonchalant about the entire thing. " She's sleeping now."

Munkustrap looked visibly relieved. He had always been rather protective of the kitten. " I'm glad." He reached out and placed a paw on Tugger's arm. " That was good of you to take care of her."

Tugger looked down at his brother's paw distastefully, remembering that just the night before, he had used those same paws to welcome Grizabella back into the clan. " No problem." he said tightly.

Munkustrap sensed his distance. " What is it?" he asked, concerned.

Tugger shook his head, not wanting to get into it. " Nothing."

Munkustrap frowned but didn't pressure him. " All right. Deuteronomy asked me to find you. He wants to talk to you. He says it's important."

Tugger looked at his brother in surprise, wondering why Deuteronomy needed to speak with him about something of importance. He usually conferred with Munkustrap about anything of consequence. "All right."

Glancing back once at the alley, Tugger turned and followed Munkustrap to Deuteronomy's lair.



Bombalurina searched the main alley for any sign of Rum Tum Tugger. She was furious with the tom, to say the least. He had never come back for her the night before, and she was willing to wager that he'd opted to go off with Cassandra instead. She'd seen the way that the other queen was eying her tom at the Jellicle Ball.

She spotted Demeter first. She was looking at her reflection in a pool of water and was licking herself. Bombalurina smiled and sidled up to her. " And how are you this fine morning?" she purred.

Demeter smiled tiredly at her friend. " Fine."

Bombalurina raised an eyebrow. " Just fine?"

Demeter's smile broadened. " Wonderful."

Bombalurina looked impressed at this. "As good as Macavity?"

Demeter returned to cleaning herself. " Even better." She glanced at Bombalurina. " How about you? Did you and Tugger have a little rendezvous last night?"

Bombalurina pouted. " No. The cad never showed up." She glanced around the alley again. " Have you seen him?"

Demeter shook her head. " Sorry. I've been a little preoccupied this morning."

" You're a lot of help." Bombalurina muttered, though she couldn't really feel angry at her friend for having finally found happiness. She looked over and spotted Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer. " Well, I'll see you later, Demi. Try to get your head out of the clouds sometime today."

She strolled over to the infamous couple and forced a smile. " Have either of you seen Rum Tum Tugger?" she inquired.

Rumpleteazer giggled. " Not this morning." Mungojerrie laughed and elbowed her, which caused her to laugh harder.

Bombalurina rolled her eyes. " What's that supposed to mean?"

" Nothin', Bombi." Mungojerrie assured her. " Nothin' at all."

Rumpleteazer looked to be on the verge of hysterics. " That's what Tugger and Jemima said last night!"

Bombalurina frowned and placed her hands on her hips. " What on Earth are you talking about? What does Jemima have to do with anything?"

" Oh, everything." Mungojerrie informed her. " We happened to stumble upon them in a very intimate moment last night."

" Very intimate." Rumpleteazer echoed.

Bombalurina stared at them incredulously. " What? Rum Tum Tugger and Jemima? She's nothing but a scrawny little kitten."

" Obviously Tugger doesn't think so." Rumpleteazer argued.

" Unbelievable." Her eyes blazing, Bombalurina turned and stalked off.

Mungojerrie frowned as something suddenly occurred to him. " Wait a minute. We promised we wouldn't say anything, remember?"

Rumpleteazer shrugged. " Oh, well. Hey, let's go to the bakery and try to swipe some sticky buns."

Mungojerrie nodded affably. " All right. Sounds good to me."



Rum Tum Tugger stopped just outside of Old Deuteronomy's lair, knocking on the wall out of respect to the older cat's privacy. " Come in!" came the muffled response. Tugger obediently stepped through the curtains and into Deuteronomy's domain.

Tugger's father was seated near the corner of the small passageway. He motioned for Tugger to sit on a small but comfortable cushion across from him. Tugger obediently took the seat and waited for Deuteronomy to speak.

" I trust that Munkustrap didn't tell you why I asked you to come." Deuteronomy said. Tugger nodded. " Good. I wanted to ask you how you're doing."

Tugger shifted uncomfortably. " What do you mean?"

Deuteronomy clasped his paws together. " I know how hard it must have been for you last night, to see your mother taken up into the Heaviside Layer."

Tugger's heart lurched painfully, and he shrugged. " Yeah, well...it's over now. I've moved passed it."

Deuteronomy studied his face carefully. " Have you forgiven her?"

Tugger looked away. " I don't see why I should. She doesn't deserve it."

Deuteronomy frowned at this. " Forgiveness is an act of compassion, my son. It isn't done because someone deserves it...it's done because they need it. And so do you, if you ever hope to be happy again."

Tugger sighed. " I don't know if I can." he admitted.

" I know how hard this must be for you." Deuteronomy said with a sympathetic smile. " It was hard for me, too, and it was hard for your brother. But I know that you're capable of that compassion." He paused. " That isn't the only reason I asked you here today."

Tugger looked at him, surprised. " It's not?"

Deuteronomy sighed. " I'm...getting older, Tugger. I won't be around much longer." Tugger looked away, not wanting to believe it could be true. " When I pass on, I will be leaving Munkustrap behind as the tribe protector." He paused. " And I will leave you as the Jellicle leader."

Tugger's head snapped up. " What?" Deuteronomy nodded. Tugger shook his head. " But...I always thought that Munkustrap--"

" Munkustrap is not meant to be the leader." Deuteronomy informed him. " He never has been. It's always been you, Tugger. Your brother knows that, and I so do I."

Tugger stared ahead numbly. " I'm not ready."

" No, you're not." Deuteronomy agreed. " There are many things left for you to learn. But you have time. And you'll learn." He sighed. " My only concern lies in your current dilemma. You must put your past behind you before you can become head of the tribe. You must forgive Grizabella."

Tugger shook his head and tiredly placed his head in his paws. "Easier said than done." he murmured.

Deuteronomy smiled at him sympathetically. " I think I know someone who can help you." Tugger looked up, interested. " You should ask Jemima."

Tugger stared at him incredulously. " What?"

" She shares a very deep connection with Grizabella." Deuteronomy informed him. " Though I doubt that she even remembers why. It was so long ago..."

" How is she supposed to help me if she can't even remember?" Tugger replied, a bit crossly. He couldn't help the feeling that something was trying to force him and Jemima together.

Deuteronomy pondered over this for a moment. " Perhaps Tantomile and Copricat could be of assistance. They could hypnotize her and see what her subconscious mind remembers of the event."

Tugger shifted uncomfortably. " I don't know. She's been through a lot already today."

Deuteronomy frowned. " What do you mean?"

" Another one of Mistoffelees' magic tricks gone bad." Tugger said, his voice still tinged with anger at the younger cat. " She was pretty shaken up."

" Still," Deuteronomy said, " I'm sure that she wouldn't mind offering you assistance after she's had a little time to recover. Tantomile and Copricat have had more time to master their talents than Mistoffelees."

" I guess so." Tugger muttered reluctantly. " I'll ask her about it later." And despite his repercussions, he found that he was curious to know just exactly what the tie between Jemima and his mother was.



Jemima stretched tiredly and looked about the alley. She frowned. It was the middle of the day, and she was still sleeping. It wasn't until she looked down and saw the coat tucked around her that she remembered what had happened that morning. She felt her face warm at the memory of being in Tugger's arms. He had been absolutely horrid that morning, but she had to admit that his concern for her seemed to be genuine. He had taken the time to tuck her in, after all, which was more than she would have expected from him.

" Rise and shine." came a silky voice from the head of the alley.

Jemima jumped and looked up, startled to see Bombalurina standing and watching her with an odd smile on her face. She offered a tired smile. " Sorry. I didn't see you there."

" I heard about your accident." Bombalurina said sympathetically. " You must be a bit out of your wits."

" A little." Jemima admitted, rising to her feet. She was glad to find that she felt steadier now that she had rested for a while.

" Is there anything I can get for you?" Bombalurina inquired sweetly.

Jemima shook her head. " No, but thank you. I feel fine."

Bombalurina seemed reluctant to leave. Jemima furrowed her brow a bit, wondering at the older queen's behavior. " Is there something you need, Bombalurina?"

Bombalurina shrugged. " Well, now that you mention it..." She stepped further into the alley. " I spoke to Tugger."

Jemima blushed faintly. " Did you?"

Bombalurina nodded. " Um-hmm. He told me all about what happened last night."

Jemima's blush deepened. " He did?"

Bombalurina shook her head sympathetically. " You poor thing. Another victim to Tugger's nasty prank. I thought I should warn you before it went too far."

Jemima could only stare at her. " What are you talking about?"

Bombalurina reached out and stroked her head affectionately. " Oh, you poor, naive thing. Tugger's been bragging to everyone about how he can get any of the queens. You're just the first one on his list. He's planning on going after Victoria next, I think, and then Exotica."

Jemima felt her heart sink in her chest. " He said that?" she murmured.

" I thought you should know." Bombalurina said. " It's horrible of him, really, but you can't expect more from him. That's just his way."

Jemima looked away. " I know, I just...thank you for telling me."

Bombalurina smiled. " My pleasure."



Rum Tum Tugger found Victoria the next day, stretching into positions that were nearly impossible. He watched in awe for a moment, then finally cleared his throat. "Um, Victoria?"

She looked up at him with a gaze so cold that even the undauntible Tugger was forced to take a step back. " What?" she replied finally.

Tugger frowned. Victoria had always been a little standoffish, but she had never been this distant before. " Um...have you seen Jemima anywhere? I've looked all over, but I can't find her."

Victoria's gaze seemed to grow even colder, if that was at all possible. " I don't see why it's any of your concern."

Tugger felt himself growing annoyed. " Do you know where she is or not?"

Victoria positioned herself so that she was turned away from him. " I don't."

Angrily, Tugger turned and stalked off in the other direction, muttering under his breath. He would have to have a little talk with Mistoffelees about his little friend later on.

He spotted Alonzo stretched out lazily on the pavement, basking in the rays of sun that still lingered in the sky. Tugger nudged him with his foot. " Have you seen Jemima?"

Alonzo yawned. " Not since this morning."

Jennyanydots, who was knitting nearby, looked over and informed him, " I saw her go off with Pouncevil a little while ago. You might want to check the butcher's place. He likes to look around for scraps there."

Tugger felt his heart tighten inexplicably at this news. He murmured his thanks to Jennyanydots and then hurried off to find them.

It wasn't long before he reached the butcher's shop. He circled around the building to the back alley. It looked mostly empty, and Tugger was about to leave when he heard a crash from behind the dumpster. Frowning, he walked forward slowly, hoping against hope that it was just a rat or another cat.

However, as he turned the corner, he saw that Pouncevil had Jemima's back pinned up against the wall, and they were nuzzling noses affectionately. Jemima jumped at the sight of Tugger, her eyes wide and flustered. " Tugger!"

Pouncevil turned and looked at him irritatedly. " Do you mind?"

" Actually, I do." Tugger said tightly, glaring at the other tom, though he didn't really know why. " I need Jemima's help."

Jemima tilted her chin up defiantly. " I don't feel like helping you just about now."

Tugger was in no mood for arguments. " Come on." He shoved Pouncevil out of the way more roughly than he needed to and took Jemima's paw, pulling her to her feet.

Pouncevil rose to his feet angrily. " You have no right--"

Tugger whirled to face him, his face filled with cold fury. " Don't try your luck, little boy." He turned and stalked off, still pulling Jemima with him.

As soon as they had left the alley, Jemima jerked her paw away from him and turned to face him. "What do you think you're doing?" she hissed.

" Calm down." Tugger snapped at her. " I'll let you go back to your little tom when we're through."

Jemima was trembling with anger now. " Don't call him that."

" I'll call him whatever I like." Tugger retorted. He knew that he was acting foolishly, but he couldn't erase the sight of Pouncevil nearly on top of Jemima, her brown eyes shining as she looked upon him... "He's a rather stupid tom, don't you think? You could do better."

" You should talk." Jemima returned. She had never known she was capable of such bitterness, but the knowledge that Tugger had been using her, when she had cared for him for so long... " He's a better tom than you'll ever be. He's sweet and he's honest. And you're...you're nothing. You're despicable."

Tugger glared at her. " Is that so?" Abruptly, he turned her so that her back was up against the wall. Leaning in very close to her, he looked deep into her eyes, which were widened in shock and a bit of excitement. " Odd reaction to someone you find so despicable." he noted.

Jemima struggled against him. " Let go of me." But even to her own ears, the protests were less than convincing.

" Let's get something straight," Tugger murmured huskily. "Pouncevil is a little boy-- clumsy and doltish and inexperienced." He trailed a paw along her fur, causing her to shiver unwillingly. "I could make you forget that he and anyone like him ever existed, if I wanted to. I could make you forget about the entire world."

Jemima was breathing heavily now, despite her attempts to remain calm. She cursed him inwardly, even as her body yearned to be closer to his own.

Slowly, Tugger leaned in to prove his point, and Jemima abruptly pushed him away from her with more strength than he had thought the little queen possessed. Her mind in a tumult, she turned and ran as fast as she could, not quite certain where she was headed.

Tugger frowned, realizing too late that he'd gone a bit too far. " Jemima!" he called after her, but she ignored him and kept running.

She didn't stop until she had reached Victoria's lair. She searched for her best friend, but there was no sign of her. Frantically, she looked about for anyone that might provide comfort to her.

" Is there something wrong?"

She turned to see Bombalurina standing nearby, watching her with a curious eye. Jemima tried to quell her trembling. She and Bombalurina had never been particularly close, but she was quite certain that the older queen would understand. " I just saw Tugger." she explained, trying to take the quiver from her voice.

Bombalurina raised an eyebrow. " What happened?"

Jemima shook her head. " I'm not sure. It was all so strange." She hugged herself. " He saw me with Pouncevil, and he dragged me away." She shook her head. " I was so angry with him because of what you told me. I said some horrible things. And then..." Her eyes flooded with tears and she looked away.

Bombalurina frowned. " What did he do?"

Jemima sniffed pitifully. " It doesn't matter. I know that he was just trying to get to me. To make me one of his stupid prizes." She met the older queen's gaze. " I wanted to believe him so badly. I don't understand why he would do such a thing."

Bombalurina stared at her, stunned. " You're in love with him." It was a statement, not a question.

Jemima looked away, unable to meet her gaze. Bombalurina felt her heart go out to the girl. She had never meant to hurt Jemima, but she had had no idea that her feelings for the beloved tom ran so deep.

" Listen to me," Bombalurina instructed her gently. " I know that this is hard for you to accept. But you can't let yourself love Tugger." Her eyes darkened. " Believe me, I know. It's a horrible trap to fall into." She shook her head. " He's not a cold-hearted beast but...he won't ever be able to love you in return. It's just not in his nature."

Jemima nodded. " I know." she said softly.

Bombalurina put a comforting arm around her shoulders. " There, there. It isn't so bad. You just need to get away from him for a while. Avoid him as best you can."

Jemima nodded again. " Thank you." she murmured, and wandered out of the alley as though she was in a daze.

As Bombalurina watched her leave, she felt an odd sensation in her stomach, but she ignored it and left in pursuit of Demeter.



Rum Tum Tugger kicked over a nearby carton and sat on top of it dejectedly. He had looked for Jemima everywhere so that he could apologize to her, but she'd either disappeared or was avoiding him like the plague. " Brilliant job today," he muttered to himself. " Absolutely brilliant."

" Don't be so hard on yourself." came a familiar voice. Tugger jumped and looked up to see Mistoffelees standing next to him, though he hadn't sensed him approaching at all.

Tugger scowled at him. " Don't do that to me."

Mistoffelees smiled with a mischievous glint in his eyes. " Sorry." His expression sobered a bit. "You aren't still angry at me, are you?"

Tugger shook his head and sighed. " No. It wasn't really your fault. I just lost my temper."

Mistoffelees nodded in understanding. " I probably would have done the same, if someone had almost hurt Victoria." He looked at the Tugger knowingly.

Tugger frowned. " I don't know what you mean."

" I think that you might." Mistoffelees countered. He pulled over another crate and sat down near the older tom. " So, what's this I hear about you becoming the new Jellicle leader?"

Tugger looked at him incredulously. " How did you--"

" I have my ways." Mistoffelees said with an impish grin. Tugger shook his head, though he was smiling. " I think you'll do a great job. I always thought that you had it in you. Even though you are a terrible bore." He mimicked from the song two nights before.

Tugger raised an eyebrow. " I've been meaning to ask about that. Since when am I a bore?"

" You never change." Mistoffelees informed him. " For as long as I've known you, you've been the same Tugger. Flirting with all the girls, making all of the other toms insane with jealousy, isolating yourself from everyone else." He shook his head. " It was a good act for a while, Tugger, but it's going to get old. And eventually, the girls will stop flirting, and the toms will stop getting jealous... and you'll just be alone."

Tugger stared at him, stunned. " Ouch." he said finally.

Mistoffelees shrugged. " Sorry. But it's the truth."

Tugger leaned back and folded his arms. " So, how do I stop myself from becoming such a terrible bore?"

" You change." Mistoffelees said, his voice earnest. " You adapt. You become what Old Deuteronomy and I and even Munkustrap know that you can be."

Tugger tried to feign indifference, but he was intrigued. " And what's that?" he inquired.

" A warrior." Mistoffelees informed him. " One who doesn't just watch when the likes of Macavity threaten his tribe." Tugger looked away guiltily. So someone had noticed. " A counselor. One who the other cats can turn to for wisdom and advice. And a leader--one of the greatest that the Jellicles have ever known."

Tugger scoffed at this. " I could never be any of those things."

" You could." Mistoffelees argued. " And you will, if you allow yourself to change and grow." He smiled at the other tom. " I've seen the changes begin already."

" What do you mean?" Tugger asked with a frown.

Mistoffelees smiled at him knowingly. " I saw your face when Jemima fell this morning. I thought that you were going to kill me, you were so angry." He let his words sink in. " Not exactly the behavior of an impartial bystander."

Tugger rose to his feet. " I don't know what you're talking about."

" I think it would be a perfect match, really." Mistoffelees continued. " It would be so unexpected, so different...so perfect. She'd bring out the compassionate side of you. And you would give your entire heart to her, never holding back."

Tugger shook his head. " It's a nice thought, in theory. But I happen to know that she hates me."

" I doubt that." Mistoffelees returned. " But even if it is true, then there's still hope. After all, it's hard to truly hate someone unless you have the capacity to love them, as well. They're both emotions conjured by only the deepest passion."

Tugger scowled at him. " I really don't want to talk about this."

Mistoffelees raised his paws into the air. " Suit yourself."

But try as he might, Tugger couldn't seem to turn his thoughts away from the idea of being with Jemima. He'd never dwelt on such things before. Even with Bombalurina, whom he'd flirted with since young childhood, he'd never given thought to settling down with just one mate. The idea had always seemed a bit depressing to him, a bit confining.

He felt his mind wandering to Jemima. She was beautiful-- there was no denying that. And she could be so very sweet. Though he disagreed with her objective, she had seemed to truly want to help Grizabella at the Jellicle Ball, with no thought to herself. She was incredibly innocent, yet at the same time wise beyond her years. And when she smiled, it was as though he was seeing into the Heaviside Layer...

Stunned, he turned his gaze to Mistoffelees, whose eyes were filled with that irritating knowing look. " I'm in love with her." he realized aloud.

" Don't tell me." Mistoffelees returned. " I've been waiting for you to finally realize it."

Tugger nodded in acknowledgement and rose to his feet. " I have to..."

"...find Jemima." Mistoffelees finished for him. " I know, I know. Get to it already!"

Tugger grinned his thanks and then took off in pursuit of the queen.



Jemima walked until her feet ached from it, and then she merely lied down on the pavement and stared straight ahead of her, her expression blank. Her heart was aching from everything that had happened.

She had known all along that loving Rum Tum Tugger was a foolish idea. But for as long as she could remember, she had loved him, even though she knew that he would never return her affections. As Bombalurina had said, it just wasn't in his nature. But even knowing that, Jemima had allowed herself to care for him in secret, to imagine that one day he might even feel the same for her. What a joke.

" It doesn't matter." she told herself. " I don't need him." But even as she spoke the words, there were tears trickling down her cheeks, and she felt herself begin to sob pathetically.

" He used me." she choked out, and the words were almost too painful to bear. Her heart was broken, and the pieces were spilling out onto the pavement. " It was all a game to him."

She scarcely even noticed as it began to rain. The heavy rivulets pounded down upon her, and still she lied in the street and cried.



Bombalurina searched the alley frantically, her heart swelling with guilt as she saw that Jemima was still nowhere to be found. She felt horrible about her behavior toward the younger kitten, particularly now that she knew that Jemima was in love with Tugger.

How was I supposed to know? she tried to reason in her mind, but she couldn't shake the remorse that she felt. Now Jemima was missing, and no one seemed to know where she had gone. If anything had happened to her...

Her eyes lighted as she spotted Victoria coming into the alleyway. If anyone knew where Jemima was, it would surely be the white kitten. The two were nearly inseparable. Eagerly, she scrambled toward her.

" Victoria, have you seen Jemima?" she inquired breathlessly as she reached the kitten.

Victoria shook her head. " Not since this morning." Her eyes darkened with anger. " She told me what you said about Rum Tum Tugger. About how he was just using her. I can hardly believe that he could be so cruel. Especially when she's cared for him so long--"

Bombalurina shook her head guiltily. " Tugger never said any of those things, Victoria. I made it all up. And now I can't find her anywhere to tell her the truth..."

" Tell who the truth?" came a deep voice from behind them.

Bombalurina and Victoria both turned to see Rum Tum Tugger standing there. They exchanged a quick glance. " No one." Victoria said quickly. She looked at the tom guiltily. " Tugger, I want to apologize for my rudeness today--"

She was cut off as the sound of thunder cracked through the night. As the rain began to pour into the alley, the three cats ran for cover in a nearby pipe.

Bombalurina waited a moment before inquiring, " Tugger, have you seen Jemima?"

Tugger frowned. " I was just about to ask you the same question." His eyes filled with worry. " No one that I've talked to has seen her since the last time I saw her, which was this afternoon."

Bombalurina cast her gaze away. " I saw her after that." Woefully, she looked into Tugger's eyes. "Tugger, I never meant to hurt anyone. Honestly. I thought that it was only a little crush--"

Tugger's eyes narrowed. " What are you talking about, Bombi?"

On the verge of tears, Bombalurina related the entire story to him-- about how she had told Jemima that it was all just a game to Tugger, and about how she had informed the kitten that he could never learn to love anyone. When she had finished, she blurted, " I didn't know that she would react this way, Tugger. I swear to you, I would have never--"

But Rum Tum Tugger didn't even wait to hear the rest of the sentence. He took off into the alley and disappeared into the night.

Jemima began to shiver uncontrollably as the rain continued to pour down on her. Her mind was screaming at her to rise to her feet and try to find shelter, but she felt as though there was a heavy weight pressing down upon her chest, making it impossible for her to move. Once, she tried to rise, but she promptly fell back to the ground again. Her vision began to blur and darken.

I'm going to die, she realized, and the thought did little to unsettle her.

Suddenly, she felt two pairs of arms pulling her toward safety. She heard voices whispering together frantically which were oddly familiar. They sounded as though they were miles away, when in reality, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were seated right next to her.

" What's wrong with her, 'Jerrie?" Rumpleteazer asked, her normally enthusiastic voice unusually solemn.

" Don't know, luv." Mungojerrie returned, his voice concerned. " She looks pretty out of it."

Rumpleteazer nudged the other queen with her head. " Jemima? Jemima, can you hear us?"

Jemima didn't reply, just stared ahead blankly.

Mungojerrie took her by the arms again. " Come on. We need to get her back to the alley."



Rum Tum Tugger stopped just outside of Jellylorum's pipe, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. Victoria arrived a moment behind him, looking similarly winded.

Tugger had searched for Jemima for hours, venturing from one side of the city to the other. When Victoria had come running up to him, her face frantic, and had told him that Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer had found Jemima and taken her back to Jellylorum's lair, he had sped back to the pipe without stopping.

His mind was racing. He wondered what had happened to Jemima that would make Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer bring her to the Jellicle nurse. Had she been caught in Pollicle territory? Had one of Macavity's gang found her...?

Bracing himself, he stepped forward to enter the pipe. Suddenly, another cat was blocking the entrance. Tugger stepped back and looked up, surprised to see Pouncevil standing there, his eyes blazing.

" Don't you dare come in here." the younger tom spat, his voice filled with anger.

Tugger was in no mood for this. " Move out of the way." He moved as though to push Pouncevil aside, but the tom brought down his claws on Tugger's arm. Tugger looked at him in shock as the blood began to ooze across his fur.

" Pouncevil!" Victoria cried in horror, her eyes wide.

Pouncevil met Tugger's gaze, tilting his chin as though to challenge him. " I won't let you inside. You're the reason that she ran off-- I know it. And if she dies, I'll kill you."

Tugger felt the burden of the words upon him. He wanted to argue with Pouncevil, but it was true. It was all true. And if Jemima did die because of him, he would let the other tom have his revenge.

Victoria reached out and took Tugger's paw, squeezing it reassuringly. Tugger looked at her in surprise. Just a short while before, Victoria had looked as though she was liable to kill him, and now she was offering him her strength. He nodded in thanks.

" You don't know what you're saying, Pouncevil." Victoria said softly but firmly. " I know that you're upset, but this isn't you--"

Munkustrap appeared beside Pouncevil in the pipe's opening. " Come on. She's calling for you."

Pouncevil glowered at Tugger once more and then turned to follow after Munkustrap. The silver tom shook his head. " No, not you. Rum Tum Tugger."

Tugger looked up, surprised, and then obediently followed after his brother. He saw the crushed look on Pouncevil's face and almost felt bad for the other tom, but he didn't have time to offer his condolences.

His face paled as he saw Jemima. Her skin was pallid, and she was trembling violently. Her eyes, normally so beautiful and vibrant, were glazed and filled with fever. They looked about the room wildly but focused on nothing.

Tugger knelt down beside her, ignoring the curious stares he received from some of the others in the pipe. Gingerly, he reached out and took her paw. " What happened?" he asked quietly.

"She was caught out in the rain for a very long time." Jellylorum informed him. "Her body contracted a fever, and she isn't handling it well."

Tugger looked up at her, his face anxious. " But she'll be all right, won't she?"

The intensity of his gaze forced Jellylorum look away. " I'm not sure." she admitted.

Munkustrap quietly rose to his feet. " I should tell Deuteronomy." he said, and exited the pipe. The others were silent, not quite certain what to say.

Abruptly, Jemima sat up. " Help me," she begged. " Someone please help! I'm drowning!"

Tugger looked to Jellylorum, panicked. " What's happening?"

Tantomile and Copricat rose up in the back. They had been so silent that Tugger hadn't even realized they were there. " She's remembering something from her past." Tantomile informed him.

Copricat nodded. " A memory from long ago."

Jemima's eyes closed, and her head lolled back. Frantically, Tugger turned his gaze appealingly to Jellylorum. Before the older queen could react, Jemima took in a gasping breath, as though she had been deprived of air for quite some time.

" Jemima," Tantomile said, her voice very calm, " what's happening?"

Jemima smiled peacefully. " I was drowning. I almost died. But now, I can feel the light again. Grizabella saved me."

Tugger felt his mind whirling. Grizabella had saved Jemima? He didn't remember that ever happening.

" What else is happening to you, Jemima?" Copricat inquired.

" She's taking me to her lair." Jemima returned sleepily. " She lays me down, and I see..." Her face broke into a contented, happy smile. " Tugger. She puts me next to Tugger, and Munkustrap." She tilted her head, as though struggling to remember. "And she says...she says that she can't stay, that she has to leave. And they start crying, because they can't understand."

Tugger felt a lump rise to his throat. He swallowed heavily, leaning toward her and listening intently.

" She says that no matter what happens, she loves them, and she's very sorry that she has to leave. And she says that they don't have to miss her, because now her song is inside of me, and so she'll always be with them."

The pipe was filled with silence as everyone took the time to absorb all of this. Slowly, Jemima lowered herself again so that she was lying down once more, as though nothing had ever happened.

Tugger leaned back and put his face in his hands so that the others couldn't see the emotions that were written so clearly across his face. Grizabella hadn't just left. She had cared about him, at least at one time...

Jemima moaned lightly. " Tugger?"

Tugger returned his focus to the bed. He took Jemima's paw in his hand once more, his face earnest. " I'm here, Jemima."

The ghost of a smile crossed her lips. " Tugger." she murmured again. She shivered a bit. " It's been such a long day. I'm so tired." She shivered again, more vehemently this time. " It's cold in here."

Tugger didn't quite know what to say. He pressed her paw to his lips, taking in a shaky breath.

" I'm so sorry about everything." she murmured. " I should have known better. I shouldn't have blamed you. It's just your way." She looked at him, and for a moment, her eyes seemed to clear. " I'm tired of fighting, Tugger. I just want the quiet." Her eyes began to close, and her grip on his paw began to lessen.

Tugger tightened his hold on her frantically. " Jemima, don't. You can't die. You have to keep fighting."

Victoria stared at him in wonder. She had never seen Rum Tum Tugger so undone. He had always been so collected and unphasable, but now...it was as though the wall around him had been cracked, and they were all seeing the real Tugger for the first time.

" You can't die," Tugger repeated, " because...because I need your forgiveness. I understand now, what Deuteronomy meant. I don't deserve it...I know I never will. But I need it. And--" his voice faltered. " I need you." His jaw trembled. " I'm in love with you."

The others in the small pipe stared at him in shock, but Tugger didn't care. He had forgotten for the most part that they were even there. " I'm in love with you." he reiterated. " I wouldn't let myself be at first. I couldn't stand the weakness." He shook his head. " But I understand now: it's not a weakness. It's the greatest strength I have." He shook his head. " And if you leave..." He stopped, overcome with emotion. " If you leave, then I'll be dead. And so will the world."

Rumpleteazer buried her head against Mungojerrie's shoulder. He clung onto her fiercely, as though he feared that fate would soon try to pull them apart, as well.

Tugger smiled mournfully. " So, you see? You can't die. Because...I need you, and so does the world."

And then there was only silence in the small pipe as the rain continued to pour outside.



Rum Tum Tugger awoke to someone shaking his shoulder. Tiredly, he looked up to see Munkustrap standing above him, his face grim. Tugger literally felt his heart stop in his chest. " Not Jemima--" he began.

Munkustrap shook his head. " There's been no change with Jemima. But Jellylorum said that, considering her history of good health, she has a strong chance of overcoming the fever. It just might take some time."

Tugger swallowed heavily. " Is she awake? Can I see her?" He stopped at the expression on his brother's face. " What is it?"

Munkustrap swallowed, looking away. "Old Deuteronomy died in his sleep last night."

Tugger stared at him in shock, not able to comprehend the words at first. He felt hollow inside, empty.

Munkustrap was silent for a moment. " Jellylorum said that it was probably a very peaceful, painless death." Tugger nodded numbly. Munkustrap reached out and touched his arm. " I know that this must be a lot for you to process. But you need to be strong for everyone else." He looked into his brother's eyes. "You're our leader now, Rum Tum Tugger."

Tugger stared off blankly. He heard his brother's words, but it was too much to deal with. Deuteronomy was dead. And he was the leader. It all seemed like a strange, horrible dream.

" I need some time." Tugger said finally, his voice coming out cold and oddly detached.

Munkustrap nodded in understanding. " All right."

Tugger walked past him, not really certain where he was going, but knowing that he needed to get away.

He continued walking until he spotted Bombalurina, standing near the head of her pipe. She looked at him uncertainly, and then her face filled with compassion. "I'm so sorry, Tugger." she murmured.

Tugger nodded, and closed the distance between them. Bombalurina held out her arms for him, and held him as his body began to tremble. She stroked his head gently, doing what she could to try and comfort him.

Tugger held onto Bombalurina tightly, fighting vainly to find the strength to do what he would have to do. Deuteronomy was gone, and Jemima might not be far behind him. He knew that if that happened, he would lose his mind, and quite possibly his soul.

" This is our all-powerful leader?" a voice scoffed from behind them.

Tugger turned to see that a group of Jellicles had formed behind them and were looking at him uncertainly. Pouncevil had been the one to speak, and he looked at Tugger with fire in his eyes that Tugger hadn't known the younger tom was capable of.

Bombalurina hissed at him. " Leave him be. He's lost his mother and father, all in the same week."

So everyone knew now that Grizabella was his mother. Funny, but it didn't seem to bother Tugger anymore.

" Weakness is weakness." Pouncevil spat in return. " And somehow, I find it hard to believe that Deuteronomy would name you as his heir, especially when he had another son like Munkustrap."

A hushed murmur rose in the crowd of cats. Though they were trying to do the right thing, it was obvious to Rum Tum Tugger that many were just as dubious as Pouncevil about his being chosen as the Jellicle leader. Truth be told, he wasn't so certain himself.

" Well, he was chosen." Bombalurina returned angrily. " So I suggest that you let it be, Pouncevil, and start using your head instead of your wounded pride."

Pouncevil started toward her, but Demeter intervened. " Don't even think about it, kitten." she hissed. Pouncevil obediently backed off, though he continued to glare at the two.

Jennyanydots stepped forward and looked at Tugger guiltily. " I'm sorry," she began, " but you seem so young to be our leader. And you're not...exactly what we had expected."

" Deuteronomy was just as young, if not younger." Jellylorum reminded her. She had always disliked Tugger's brashness, but his attitude toward Jemima the night before had convinced her that there was more to Rum Tum Tugger than met the eye. She smiled kindly at the younger tom. " And I think that we will come to expect great things from this young man."

Pouncevil shook his head. " Don't let him fool you. He's nothing but a selfish, arrogant animal. He's never done anything for anyone else out of the goodness of his heart. He'd be just as good to us dead as alive."

Bombalurina started after him again, but Tugger held up a hand. " He's right." he said softly. " My entire life, I've only thought of myself. My only concern was with how things would affect me." He let his gaze scan over the crowd assembled. " But I realize now that I can't go on living that way. I know how important all of you are to me, how much I've come to respect and care for you, even though I never let myself show it."

He looked to Bombalurina. " I know now that the friends who have been with me all along are irreplaceable." He let his gaze sweep over the gathered crowd. " And I know that each one of you contributes something to the group as a whole. Each of you is as important as the rest."

Tugger swallowed heavily. " So dismiss me, if you'd like. I'll understand. I've certainly never done anything to deserve your admiration, or respect. But I swear to you on all of my nine lives that if you will give me that chance, if you will show me enough compassion to allow me to change...I won't fail you."

He waited for some sort of response. The crowd was completely silent. And then, slowly, they began to part as a tom made his way to the front. Mistoffelees. He smiled at Tugger and then stepped in front of all of the other Jellicles before bowing down to the older tom.

Munkustrap, who was standing nearby, nodded his approval at his brother and then lowered himself. One by one, the other cats bowed to show reverence to their new leader, until Pouncevil was the only one left standing.

Tugger watched him impassively. He would understand if the other tom never accepted him; some hurt ran so deep that it seemed nearly impossible to forgive. Pouncevil looked at the others and hesitated, then shook his head and departed quickly.

Rum Tum Tugger nodded his gratitude to the remaining cats. " Thank you." he managed somehow. The cats rose again and crowded around him, rubbing him affectionately.

And for the first time in his life, he truly felt as though he belonged.

In the days that followed, Rum Tum Tugger attempted to adjust to his new life as the Jellicle leader. It was more difficult than he would have imagined, but he was surrounded by continuous support from his friends. Even Pouncevil grudgingly began to acknowledge him as the head of the group, though it was obvious that he still bore a grudge.

Tugger continued to visit Jemima as much as he could. She remained mostly the same, though Tugger searched for any sign of improvement in her that he could find. Often, he would speak to her as she slept, though he knew that it was unlikely that she heard anything he said.

As he approached Jellylorum's lair for one such visit, Tugger was alarmed to see Victoria standing in the head of the pipe, her eyes glimmering with tears. His heart sinking in his chest, he rushed toward her, his face filled with concern. " What?" he inquired. " What is it?"

Victoria's face broke into a relieved smile. " She's awake." she informed him tearfully. " The fever's broken."

Tugger held onto the pipe for support as a wave of emotion overcame him. He started to go in, but Victoria caught his arm. " I think you should know," she said softly, " that I've told Jemima everything about what's happened."

Tugger stared at her, suddenly overcome with anxiety. " Everything?" he repeated weakly. He had meant every word that he said to Jemima, but knowing that she knew about it and that he was about to face her was more unnerving than almost anything he had ever faced.

Victoria gave him an encouraging smile, sensing his anxiety. " You'll be all right. We're all behind you, Rum Tum Tugger, no matter what happens."

And once again, Tugger marveled that he actually felt it was true. He smiled in return. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

Tugger felt his anxiety grow as he turned and ventured into the pipe. Facing the entire Jellicle tribe suddenly felt like nothing compared to this. But no matter what happened, he was glad that Jemima was all right. Even if she couldn't find it in her heart to love him in return, he knew that he would never be sorry he had loved her.

Jemima turned and watched him as he entered. Tugger was relieved at the improvement he saw in her, even in such a short amount of time. There was a bit of color back in her complexion, and her eyes were far more lucid than they had been.

Tugger hesitated a few feet away from the bed, not certain if she would even want him near her. Jemima gave him a small, uncertain smile. " You can sit down, if you'd like." she said.

Tugger seated himself next to the bed. He thought for a moment about holding her paw, but he quickly decided against it. Instead, he took satisfaction in merely being near her, in seeing her alive and well.

She looked away self-consciously. " I know I must look a fright. I tried to clean myself up a bit before you came--"

Tugger shook his head quickly. " No. You look beautiful." he said sincerely.

Their gazes met. Tugger took in a deep breath. " Jemima, I need to apologize to you. I feel horrible about the way that I behaved--"

Jemima smiled at him kindly. " You don't need to apologize about anything. It wasn't entirely unprovoked. I shouldn't have believed Bombalurina when she told me those things." She cast her gaze down. " I just...I was so afraid that it was true."

Tugger felt his heart sink. " Do you really think that I could be that callous?"

Jemima gave an uncertain shrug. " The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle," she reminded him softly.

Tugger shook his head an gave a sigh. " I'll tell you a secret." he said, meeting her gaze once more and leaning in closer to her. " The Rum Tum Tugger...likes to cuddle every now and then." She smiled, which made him smile in return. " But don't tell anyone."

" I won't." she promised.

Abruptly, she turned and began to cough. Tugger watched on in concern. " Are you all right?" he inquired when she had finished.

She smiled weakly at him. " I could ask you the same question. Victoria told me how you were appointed leader of the Jellicles." She held his gaze. " I always knew that you had it in you." Her expression became sympathetic. " Still, you must be awfully overwhelmed by everything that's happening."

Tugger laughed at this, albeit tiredly. " The last few days have been very busy." he agreed. " I feel as though I've aged ten years, like I've learned so very much."

She tilted her head, studying him. " And what have you learned?"

Tugger looked down. " I learned to finally forgive my mother for leaving. That's partially because of you." He met her gaze. " I never knew that Grizabella cared at all about me. But the fact that she left you as a reminder to Munkustrap and I...it was more than I had ever expected from her."

" I never even remembered that day. It was so long ago." Jemima murmured, shaking her head in wonder. " I always knew that I had a special connection with her. And with you and Munkustrap, too. I always cared more than I should have."

She reached out suddenly and took his paw. " I'm so sorry about Deuteronomy. I know how much he meant to you."

Tugger nodded, the familiar lump rising to his throat. It still hurt to think about it. " Thank you. He was...a truly wonderful leader, and father. I only hope..." He let the words trail off.

Jemima smiled at him reassuringly. " You will be. I know it."



It wasn't long before Jemima was well enough to return home. On the night that Tugger assisted her back to her lair, he was surprised at how empty the streets were. Usually, there were always at least a few Jellicles wandering about, but for some reason, the alleyways were unusually barren.

Jemima had insisted upon walking, though she still reached to him for support every now and then. It was a nice feeling, Tugger reflected, and he marveled at it. A short while before, he had been the Rum Tum Tugger, a notorious flirt who didn't really care about anyone or anything and seemed as though he would never settle. And now...he was the leader of the Jellicle tribe, and he was in love.

He and Jemima still hadn't spoken of his revelation to her on the night when he had first discovered that she was ill. Tugger knew that she had been informed of it; Victoria was an avid supporter of his now, but she was still Jemima's best friend and was therefore obligated to tell her everything. But Tugger didn't want to pressure Jemima at all. If she didn't love him, he would find a way to accept it, and if she did, then he would wait forever for her to say it, if he had to.

As they reached Jemima's lair, she sighed contentedly at the sight of her old bed. " I've missed being here." she told him. " Jellylorum has been so very kind, but there's nothing quite like being home."

Tugger nodded in agreement. " I know exactly what you mean."

They were silent for a moment, neither knowing quite what to say. Tugger could sense her discomfort, and so he reluctantly said, " Well, I should probably let you get some rest."

Jemima reached out and caught his arm. " Wait." She blushed at her own forwardness. " I mean, you don't have to go yet if you don't want to." She looked down at the ground. " I...I want to thank you for everything that you've done for me. I know that you have so many other things to worry about, and I appreciate all the time that you've spent with me."

Tugger swallowed. " It was no problem. Really."

Jemima still couldn't meet his gaze. She began to tremble from anxiety, trying to find the right words.

Tugger misinterpreted her shivering. " Are you too cold?" He moved in closer to her, which did little to help her growing nervousness.

" No, I'm fine." she finally forced herself to look into his eyes. They were so kind and were filled with such genuine concern that she lost herself in them for a moment.

Tugger felt as though he was being drowned in the depths of her eyes. Finally, he could help himself no longer. He knew that he had resolved to be patient and understanding, but he just couldn't take not knowing any longer. " Jemima," he said, before his nerves could stop him, " I'm in love with you. I've loved you since the moment I looked up and saw you singing with Grizabella under the moonlight. You make me want to feel that light in my life, to have that warmth. And more than anything else in the world, you give that hope to me. You make me complete."

He watched her face anxiously, waiting for some sort of response. Her gaze was downcast, and she was silent for one long, horrible moment.

When she finally looked up at him, her eyes were glistening with happy tears. And before he could even comprehend what was happening, she was kissing him, sweet, chaste kisses that warmed him to his very soul.

" I love you, too." she murmured after they had pulled apart. " I've loved you all my life."

Tugger held her, happier than he had ever thought was possible. She loved him. It seemed too incredible to be true.

Jemima pulled away from him suddenly and smiled at him coyly. " If I recall correctly," she murmured, " you once promised me that you could make me forget that anyone else existed."

Tugger moaned, embarrassed at his previous arrogance. " Don't remind me."

Jemima smiled and kissed him, longer this time and more ardently. Tugger was winded when they finally pulled apart. " You also promised me that you could make me forget the entire world." she reminded him.

Tugger grinned at this. " I'm a man of my word." he returned, and leaned down to kiss her once more.

A good distance away, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer watched the exchange and then smiled at one another. " It's about time." Mungojerrie said, nudging the queen playfully. " I told you that it'd happen tonight."

" Fine, fine. You won the bet." Rumpleteazer returned, though she was smiling. She reached out and took her tom's paw. " Come on. Let's go tell the others that they're finally together."

Still holding paws, they raced off toward the main alley as the moon continued to illuminate the night sky.