Sez saves the world with another story :) No introduction as there is indeed a strong sense of MYSTERY. Be warned, it's a long one. Characters were on the indiscriminate free-for-all version of the generator again. Just my luck. It's vaguely continual from the Bustopher story. Thus we begin.
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"MWHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAH!" he said (in keeping with Jesta's Dummies guide to Cats romance: always, always start using only "he" or "she". Then dramatically reveal the names after a couple paragraphs). However as he was not one of the romantic figures in this story and it was pretty obvious who he was anyway, Macavity leaned down from his fine chair made of various materials he had swiped from unsuspecting individuals. "MWHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" he repeated, in keeping with his general theme of conversation. "MWHAHAHAHAHAHAH-" he began again before being cut off my a cat. (Who is a romantic character and therefore shall not be named)
"Very noice, as oi were saying" She stated (Completely ruining the air of mystery and showing that the random pairings generator is rather unfair on Sez) "There be something oi'd loik you to do for me Macavity."
"But I control the operation, I am the Napoleon of crime, you are nothing more than an agent - Like Mungojerrie and Griddlebone." Whined Macavity.
"Oh come on, You owes me a favour" Responded HER (mystery)
"No, No I will not, I would lose my image as a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity."
"Oi'll give you this shoiny thingumywatsit" Said the mysterious feline (who was being hidden from identity with such skill) holding up a Christmas bauble. (In keeping with the theme of the year.)
"LET ME SEE THAT!" Said Macavity, leaping off his throne and snatching the bauble away from her.
"Oi think it's worth a favour, don't you?" She snapped, prizing it from his grasping fingers.
"WE WANTS IT" screamed Macavity, before regaining some composure "That is to say, it is VERY shiny. I shall have to think about it." He said, striding off into the shadows before reappearing on his throne. "Two questions" He stated after an inappropriately short while. "a) What is it? and b) What's the favour?" he twisted his vast eyebrows into a meditative shape and stared down at her the lights in the room configured in such a way as to make him look very mysterious indeed. Macavity knew this, after all he had spent may hours positioning them.
"It be an....an.....earing, for a foine gentleman such as yerself" She responded, thinking on her toes...or pawtips. "An' oi wants you to kidnap Victoria for me" she said (inadvertently revealing she was not Victoria, which astute readers may have picked up on.) there was a pause.
"MWAHAHAHHHAHA!" shouted Macavity from his podium, his throne and a small door in the wall (always eager to show off his talents). "It shall be done! Now hand me this ear-ring-thing, I shall don it immediately"
"Just make sure the job be done by 7 o'clock this evenin'" She said turning away and walking out through what Macavity could have sworn was a locked door.
"Maybe I should have asked what this ear-ring was..." he pondered to himself.
Rumpelteazer (Dramatic revelation - because it was such a mystery before) waited behind an ebony hat stand. for him (more mystery) to arrive. She had covered herself in talcum powder and done up her hair in Victoria's style. She could only presume that Macavity had done his work. Victoria hadn't actually shown up yet, she was always punctual and it was 10 past 7, so Rumpelteazer could only presume that the plan had been pulled off. And here he came now, swaggering along looking very pleased with himself. He always looked pleased with himself of course, so this was perfectly normal. She Jumped out from behind the hat stand.
"Tugger!" She squealed in as cute a voice as she could manage (more dramatic revelation). "Hey there baby" said Tugger, in a voice similar to that of Zaphod Beeblebrox (Who I always though he should sound like for some reason) "Want to see my spaceship?"
"What?!" Said Rumpelteazer, very taken aback.
"Ah'm not sure why ah said that" He said, a tad taken aback himself. He steered her into the restaurant. "Well" He said, plonking himself down on a chair "Ain't you lucky to win a date with me."
"Oh yes" She said attempting to look sweet and innocent "Indeed oi am."
"You sound a bit...different" He said gazing at her in a curious fashion (for he is a curious cat.)
"Oi *ahem* O- I...I've been ill" She responded, realising her mistake. "How very sad" He said, looking down at his menu and preening himself. "What are you having?"
"O- I was thinking of having the soup-" she began
"Hey baby" He said, cutting her off "Ah was thinking of having the soup too, we can't both have the soup, how will we share"
"Share?"
"Yeah, because I can't eat mah own, Ah wouldn't really be very curious then would ah?"
"Well...How about we just both have it and then swap?" She suggested politely.
"Well, how aboouuuuuawaaaaooowaaaaoooo-" began Tugger. Rumpelteazer looked rather disturbed.
"Waoooowaoooowaooowaoooowaooo-" He continued. Something very strange was happening to Rumpelteazer, she could feel something happening to her vocal chords, bubbling up through her larynx and finally emerging.
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" she said, with ridiculous high pitch. Tugger gave her a curt look to silence her, then continued.
"AbouoooowaooowaooowaooowaoowaooeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEE" he continued before the 'eeeing' overtook his volume again. Another look.
"AbouuooowaooowaooowaooowaooowaoowaoowaoaoaeeeEEEEEEEEEEE" even his extra effort could not drown out the confounded 'eeeing' of this female. He decided to end it.
About you have the salmon and I have the soup." he concluded "Then we can rotate and then you get the soup and I get the salmon."
"But...I though you wanted the soup" said Rumpelteazer, who was feeling ashamed and angry at herself.
"Yeah, but ah felt that ain't curious enough" he said, fluffing up his mane.
She sighed. What had all that 'eeing' been about anyway?
A while later the food arrived. Tugger had changed his mind over 8 times so it had taken some time to order. After a few more minutes Rumpelteazer had almost finished her soup. She couldn't help notice that Tugger had touched nothing on the table.
"Not feeling hungry" She enquired casually.
"Nah, Ah'm feeling hungry" He replied sharply "Ah'm just so curious that now ah don't want this stuff."
"So you're not eating at all then?" She sighed, she had planned to add a sleeping draught to his food so she could make off with some of his material possessions.
"That's where you're wrong" He said, leaning under the table and gnawing on the table leg.
Rumpelteazer sighed, this was for two reasons, firstly out of irritation and secondly for the fact that you can't drug a table leg. She just had just about enough of this.
"What's the time?" she inquired of the wood gnawing feline.
"Let me just see then...Well, according to the clock over there, it's abouuuuwaoooowaoooowaooo....
"eeeEEEEEEEEEE...,
The meal had finally concluded several hundred 'aoooows' and 'eees' later. Rumpelteazer's vocal chords were hurting and Tugger had finished his table leg.
"Say" Said Tugger staring at her closely, she shied away praying he wasn't going to ask something 'about' her. "Your mouth's not looking white at all, in fact it's looking a bit...orange"
Rumpelteazer realised that the food and drink she had consumed must have washed some of her disguise away, thankfully she was a quick thinker.
"It's that illness I told you about....it's a mouth infection...it'll soon go away..."
"Heh..." said Tugger looking completely uninterested and fiddling with his tail "Good thing ya told me, Ah was going to kiss ya soon."
Rumpelteazer almost expired. "Shameless flirt!" she thought to herself.
"Oh-oh look...the bill!" She said hurriedly "How much is it?" She asked, for once not caring about money, she needed to get away.
"Well, let's see" said Tugger, picking it up "It comes to Abouuuuwawoooawoooawooo-
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHH" Screeched Rumpelteazer
"Hey, ain't you supposed to say 'eee?' enquired Tugger "Let's try that again, Abouuuuuawaooooo-
Rumpelteazer abandoned subtlety and clubbed him over the head with Bustopher's spoon, which she still had.
"Well how ABOUT THAT?!?" She growled at his passed out form. She then took out a razor and set to work.
A few minutes later Rum Tum Tugger awoke. Attempted to remember what had happened.
"Oh yeah!" he said and sprung to his feet/paws "About £23.99"
He then noticed his fine feline had seemed to disappear.
"Heh" He chuckled to himself "Ah must have just been too much for her."
He then noticed that she was not the only thing to have disappeared. So had his fine mane.
Rather than screaming and shouting as Bustopher had done, He appeared immensely calm. "Oh well" he said to himself. He reached down into a small canvass bag. Pulled out another mane and glued it on round his neck. "Ah have plenty more".
Truly, The Rum Tum Tugger was a curious cat.
Elsewhere Rumpelteazer was presenting her newly acquired mane to Mungojerrie.
"Oi gots you a crimblemas present" she said proudly "It'll make you look big an' scary"
"Oi am big and scary ain't oi?" Replied Mungojerrie
"Not to me" she replied "Oi foind you very sweet"
"Aww, that's nice" He said hugging her.
She noticed there was something shiny dangling from his ear.
"What be that moi love?" She asked him curiously.
"Aww this?" He said, poking it "It be an ear-ring-thing. Oi bought it from Macavity, he's selling them boi the boatload, everyone wants one, they be the hoit of fashion"
"Macavity....is selling these?" She asked him deadpan.
"Yes, they say he's been making a mint from 'em, lucky devil."
there was a pause.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Rumpelteazer into the night air.
Elsewhere Macavity was parading around in front of a mirror, an ear-ring-thing in each ear.
"Indeed, I am outwardly respectable" he said to himself before he went off to cheat at cards.
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So there we go. It turned out to be another long one, and vaguely continual because I got the same character again. Still, Poor old Rumpelteazer, can't win them all can you? Depending on how the generator works out next you may have to put up with 'The continuing quest of Rumpelteazer to steal EVERYTHING for Mungojerrie, part III' or maybe not. Who can say. I hope you all had a nice Christmas.
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