Dear all my readers, if
you are feeling sad/angry/grumpy etc. or if you are looking for
a funny fic, this is NOT for you. This is one of my saddest ficcies.
It deals with some very strong feelings. It is my way of releasing
sorrow to all my American comrades. Please give me feedback as
it has been a while since I have written a fic of which I am
proud of. Thankyou, and: -
God save America, Australians are behind you 100% Especially
me. Completed: 10th September 2002
~
Your eyes, like dark blue pools, stare over at me. I know sometimes you feel lonely, and I never meant to leave you by yourself. It just happened.
You are always tired these days, even in your beautiful dark eyes I can see the exhaustion and as you succumb to slumber I can see how painful these last few months have been on you physically. I know you will love me forever but how can I love myself when I know that you are like this? That you are physically and mentally dying and I can't do anything about it. I settle down next to you, desperately trying to keep you warm and as I feel you snuggle next to me I tell myself, as I have so many times, just how lucky I am to have you as my mate. That night was the hardest for me, and I'm sure it was hard for you, my dear sister and mate. I never meant to leave you by yourself. It was an accident.
I hope you can forgive me for all those years of pain you felt from me. I would never have realised that you were my match without you, and from my ignorance to my love and your love I caused you pain. I never meant to leave you by yourself. But I did, all those years ago. And as you huddle close to me in our impossibly frigid box in an alleyway I hope that you can feel my love for you. As slumber takes both of us over I can feel our souls entwine. We are one soul and one heart. And all the agony and anguish I made you take on all those years ago I hope you can forgive me. I hope you will forgive me my sweetheart. My angel. My match.
Morning comes as sweet interlude to our slumber. I try to wake you up, my psychic beauty, but your fatigue refuses to let you go from your slumber. And as I whisper that I will be back you sigh a little. I kiss you on the cheek and you smile in your sleep. Your beautiful feminine form send shivers down my spine, and you know that only you can do that to me. I never meant to leave you by yourself. It was a mistake of the greatest kind.
Sometimes I would sit and watch you. You were so much like me, yet so different. Your beautiful markings are almost exactly the same as mine. It's almost like looking at a mirror, and as I thought of you down at the docks whilst hunting for breakfast, I remember our mirror game which we would play when we were kits. Giggling and laughing away we would follow the other's movements exactly, and we knew exactly what we were going to do as it was our mental bond that helped us. I never meant to leave you by yourself. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. I can never forgive myself for it.
As I brought back the breakfast I thought we were going to share, I could tell that something was wrong. I couldn't feel you anymore. And as I ran to our box I prayed to the everlasting cat that it wasn't what I thought it was. but I was wrong. I never meant to leave you by yourself. All the pain of the past was brought back to my mind. And as I ran, feet thundering on the ground and breakfast forgotten, I knew I was too late. And as I saw your still form I knew that I should never have gone. The pain that I had caused you had now taken me up and overcome me. And as tears spilled down my face I knew that I couldn't live without you, and that I would be with you soon. For I can not, and will not be able to live without you. My darling, my angel, my match.
I never meant to leave you by yourself. But I did.